There are many parts of the world where dressing “modestly” feels most comfortable (for me anyway) for both trying to be respectful of cultural norms but also for just existing more comfortably without attracting excess attention. Especially in places where foreigners are still quite a spectacle, I do what I can not to add to that attention.
But there’s a learning curve to this: “modest” means a lot of different things to a lot of different cultures. Growing up Mennonite, I had a lot of exposure to one very specific version of “modesty”. But as I began to travel more, I realized how varied the interpretations can be. For instance I thought of skirts as a decent example of modesty (for women) because in the Mennonite world, that’s true. In places like India however, I quickly realized that just an ordinary pair of jeans that covered my whole leg would actually be more appropriate than a mid-length skirt. And in fact, this expectation to cover your full leg includes men as well.
I experienced a lot of fumbles before I got the hang of it, but I’ll share a little bit of what I learned, starting with a quick note on where the culture tends to be more modest.
Places with “modest” dress codes
Most religious sites across the world (Buddhist temples, mosques, and some orthodox churches or cathedrals for example) are more likely to require some kind of dress code obviously, but there are also some destinations where it can feel most comfortable to dress modestly even in your day to day activities.
The correlation I noticed in my travels was: anywhere highly spiritual/religious or anywhere very rural tended to have a more modest culture. And along those same lines, even places that were modest generally seemed to have exceptions in more highly touristed areas. The beach destinations in Egypt for example felt like any other beach town, though elsewhere in Egypt it felt more comfortable covering shoulders and knees. Or for example while the culture in India made me feel more comfortable with more coverage, in Sri Lanka where the tourist-to-local ratio feels higher and where there are many beach towns, the clothing also felt more relaxed.
What to pack for pretty much any interpretation of “modesty”
Because it can be hard to predict what kind of vibe you’ll find until you get somewhere, there are a few staple items I always try to pack just to be prepared.
- A long skirt and/or long flowy pants
In the example I already shared, during my first trip to India I found myself wishing I had more loose, flowy pants because I realized most women were covering their entire legs, but it was too hot for me to just wear my long jeans every day. Thankfully, I found an awesome pair of linen flowy pants in Mexico City that I ended up taking with me everywhere. Having a long skirt also doubled as my “nice” outfit in case I found a dress code at any of the club lounges I’d be accessing. (For this purpose I also always travel with at least one pair of decent-looking close toed shoes.) - Something long sleeved, but lightweight
Similarly, there were lots of places where I’d want or need to cover my shoulders and arms. But of course…many of these places are super hot, so having something long sleeved but lightweight is super convenient. - A lightweight scarf
Bringing a scarf that’s lightweight (are you seeing a pattern yet?) meant I could use the same scarf that kept me warm in Estonia in the Spring as a head covering in the mosques of Istanbul a few months later. A bulky scarf would have been much more difficult for this purpose. My scarf also came in handy as a towel and blanket at least once or twice, if I recall. - A neutral-colored camisole and leggings
There were MULTIPLE times I was grateful to have a neutral colored under shirt (like a camisole) and leggings while traveling. For example while visiting Bali on two different occasions, I had the chance to join a religious festival, but I would have to borrow traditional clothes from my host. This included a see-through lace top and a wrap skirt. I was grateful my host was willing to lend me her garments, and equally grateful that I had something to wear under it! (And Bali wasn’t the only place I experienced this kind of thing – it happened in India as well.)
What are some of the staple items you pack to ensure you can fit in a little more comfortably no matter where you go?
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I grew up Mennonite myself, although as a male it wasn’t quite as hard to conform to, other then I wasn’t permitted to wear shorts unless going swimming.
I always pack a fly fishing top. It works for a beach cover up, hiking shirt, extra layer, etc. it was great in hot places like Morocco where I was in smaller towns and wanted coverage but it was also hot.
I’ve started packing lightweight, full-length kaftans (scarf-like material) for lounging on decks; strolling thru riads and hotels to the pool; making my way to the beach; toilet/bath down the hall. Comfortable, flowy, light and cute; line-dry quickly
Also worth noting that there are some instances in which the modesty thing cuts the other way. Bathing suits, for instance, are not particularly welcome in Finnish saunas and while visiting a Hindu temple festival in Sri Lanka I was once required to remove my shirt before visiting the temple interior.
As with Finland, the onsen in Japan…
> I also always travel with at least one pair of decent-looking close toed shoes
As we generally travel with carry-on only, I am really limited to one pay of shoes on most trips that need to work for walking city streets, treadmills, and trails. And be semi decent looking for the occasional nice hotel.
Flip flops for the pool, beach and to give my feet a break when walking around the hotel usually fit in my bag.
Check out the Suaves brand of travel shoes.
Will do, thanks.
Sorry, SUAVS. No “e”.
I was in Italy and went to the Vatican in shorts and a golf shirt. No problem. But, when I wanted to enter St. Peter’s cathedral, I was told I was not permitted to enter in shorts. Live and learn.
The golf shirt probably would have been okay… but knees are dangerous.
No unocvered knees or shoulders in St Peter’s (or many Catholic churches).
golf shirts generall cover shoulders, no?
Yes. (This was more of a general comment, since some women’s shirts don’t cover “enough” of shoulders. We ran into this problem when i first visited St Peter’s years ago — my mom’s shirt was considered to leave too much of her shoulders uncovered. So we bought a pair of pants on the street, i wore them and gave my mom my skirt as a “cover-up” for her shoulders.)
Got it. That’s where one of the scarfs LarryInNYC writes about in another comment comes in handy. My wife often carries one when traveling. Also handy on cold overnight flights. Or for sun protection.
Our kids (now 27 and 24) picked up on the “appropriate dress” style that we’ve always followed ourselves. Just before the pandemic, our older daughter did her study abroad in India and was on a field trip in the south (Mysuru) wearing an ankle length skirt and shoulder-covering top, when one of her classmates remarked “Hey there’s a lady over there who dresses just like you!”. Our daughter looked up and said “Oh yeah, that’s my Mom” (it was).
One of the challenges when respecting local modesty or covering shoulders, legs, or head when entering religious sites is when it’s very hot outside. We go to a lot of churches and sites in Europe and Israel, and in the summer my wife usually takes a large scarf or sarong-type covering with her to put over her shorts or shoulders. It should be a staple for most women in those situations, I would suggest. For men, it can also be an issue with shorts. I don’t love them, but I have a couple pairs of shorts that have zip-on legs, or are they pants with zip-off legs 🙂
I have some 20-year-old Columbia zip-offs that have been in many places. When flying from a cold-ish place to a tropical place (say, winter on mainland to Hawaii), it’s great to be able to zip off legs before deplaning. Or maybe even after boarding. And vice versa on way back. Frankly, since I rarely run into people I know while traveling, stylishness doesn’t really matter much to me anymore. Comfort rules.
We never go anywhere (at least, when traveling) without a multipurpose sarong / scarf / shawl item. Recently it’s been a gamcha, a typical Bangladeshi multi-purpose piece of cloth. Very lightweight and rolls/folds up into almost nothing.
I find the whole “dress modestly in European churches” thing a bit overdone. If there are posted rules you should follow them, of course, but I remember an experience in the Sanctuary of the Madonna of San Luca, just outside Bologna. An Italian family came in, about the most expressively devote people I’ve ever seen in a European church, praying and sobbing in front of the icon of the Virgin Mary. But the woman in the family was basically wearing a loosely woven macrame halter top over a brassiere. So, truly devout but hardly modestly dressed.
I agree that it’s mostly bit overdone(let’s not even talk about the Catholic Church abuse scandals), but… their building, their rules. If a mosque requires me to take off my shoes and walk around in socks/bare feet, but they let me in as a non-believer, I happily follow their rules.
(and if you were to visit my home, I’d appreciate it if you followed my rules and took off your shoes for non-religious hygiene reasons, too)
We have the same habit in our house, as well. And, yes, where the rule is posted I would certainly follow it (and, in any event, I don’t wear shorts unless I’m at the beach, no matter how hot it is).
I will also observe that, on one occasion (a Hindu festival in Sri Lanka) I was required to remove my shirt before entering the temple.
Uhhh, I have stopped removing my shirt even at the beach. 🙂
(mostly for sun protection reasons, but also because I a, no longer in my 20s and not quite as (physically) attractive)
Sri Lanka is still on my todo list. If they ask me to remove my shirt, I will comply, of course.