A few weeks ago, I was sure that I’d win the StayCayToFarAway contest in a landslide. I had just completed my masterpiece video, Return to Necker Island!, and there was no doubt in my mind that everyone in the world (and maybe some YouTube-watching Martians too) would love it. I would probably win the Nobel Peace Prize, be knighted by the Queen, and become a regular guest on SNL. It was that good. If you’re human or Martian, then obviously you must vote for me to be the StayCay to Far Away Champion.
I didn’t think it was necessary, but I ensured additional votes by appealing to those who love gross bathroom humor with my Cut the Cheese video. If you’re a seven year old boy, or know someone who was once a seven year old boy then you must vote for me.
And I completely sealed the deal (or so I thought) by securing the Jewish vote. I baked bagels while discussing my Jewish roots. If you’re Jewish, or know someone who is, you have to vote for me.
I believed that I had swayed all of the Martian vote, all of the 7-year-old-boy vote, the Jewish vote, and the rest of humanity. My win was assured. I would easily repeat as champion of Frequent Miler’s “far away” contest series (I won last year, remember?). I would be on my way toward a three-peat and would soon be known as a dynasty. Someday in the far future after retirement, ESPN would create a documentary about me called something like “The Last FM Dance.” I would probably get a lucrative Nike contract too.
Then my world collapsed
Earlier this week, Stephen published his post arguing for why he should win StayCay to Far Away. That post included a devastating tell-all video: The secret undercover truth of what the Frequent Miler team doesn’t want you to know. In that video, Stephen accused me of starting COVID-19 in the Frequent Miler Laboratory so that I could buy Necker Island and turn it into my evil lair.
Unlike Nick, I’m not willing to bend the truth to refute the facts as Stephen presented them. I can apologize, but that won’t change what I’ve done. I can no longer in good conscience continue to campaign for this contest.
Who to vote for?
If you’ve watched Stephen’s video, then you already know why you shouldn’t vote for me. But if not me, then who?
I’d be inclined to suggest voting for Stephen, but do you really want to support a candidate that went negative so quickly? Plus, do you really want to vote for someone who can’t differentiate between a monkey and an elephant?
The answer to both of the above questions is obviously “no”.
Carrie? No way.
In Stephen’s damning video, Carrie was accused of being an illegal stowaway, a dognapper, and (worst of all) being a spy for The Points Guy. Despite overwhelming evidence of these crimes (especially the stowaway accusations), Carrie has not yet refuted any of this publicly. Repeated requests for comment sent to Carrie’s campaign manager, Truffles, have yet to be returned.
Clearly, Carrie is just as guilty as me, if not more so. Don’t vote for Carrie.
There’s no question that Nick has an adorable son. And you can be forgiven for voting for Nick simply because this cutie was featured in a number of Nick’s videos.
Before you vote, though, consider the accusations that have been thrown Nick’s way. Nick has been publicly accused of breaking child labor laws. At minimum, his use of his son and other family members is a blatant case of shameless pandering.
Keep in mind, too, that Nick’s son is not above reproach. In his earlier days he was caught fraternizing with a known criminal:
It seems that there’s no one on the Frequent Miler team respectable enough to vote for. So, rather than voting based on a candidate’s character or the quality of their StayCay to Far Away videos, I recommend voting according to this guide:
- Vote for Stephen if:
- You think monkeys are elephants
- Vote for Carrie if:
- You like getting free flights illegally
- You think spying for The Points Guy is a good thing
- You like dog-nappers
- Vote for Nick if:
- You think toddlers should be in the workforce
- You’re a fan of shameless pandering
- Vote for Greg if:
- You’re human or Martian
- You’re Jewish or know someone who is
- You’re a seven year old boy, or know someone who once was
As a reminder, the overall StayCay to Far Away contest champion will be decided by vote. Polls are open now through Saturday May 23 at noon Eastern. Stephen, Nick, and I have now each plead our cases as to why you should vote for us. Friday at around noon Carrie will plead her case too. So, if the above guide didn’t help you decide, you might want to wait to read Carrie’s post before voting.
But if you’re ready to vote, go ahead and do it now!
Give us a Thumbs Up!
Keep in mind that category champions (e.g. “Destination Cooking” champ, “Improv Travel” champ, etc) will be decided by Youtube likes (click the thumbs-up icon). On Saturday May 23rd at noon Eastern, we’ll tally the number of thumbs up “likes” each YouTube video received in order to determine the winner of each category.
Warning: If you’ve already “liked” a video, clicking the thumb again will remove the like.
Whether or not you’ve decided to vote for me (above), you can support me in my quest to win the category championships. Click into each of the videos below and give me a thumbs up if you like my video:
- Imitation Travel: Greg’s Return to Necker Island!
(if you only watch one, watch this one)
- Destination Cooking: Greg’s Everything Bagel!
- Travel Lifehack: Greg’s Hotel Survival Hacks (Cut the Cheese)
- Improv Travel: Smoking coconuts
Current category standings follow:
Destination Cooking Winner: NickEach contestant created a mini cooking show demonstrating how to prepare some kind of food from someplace in the world.
- Nick's Homemade Pasta (Video w/ 119 likes) (Post)
- Stephen's Full English Breakfast Donut Burger (Video w/ 73 likes) (Post)
- Carrie's Mochi…Nailed It! (Video w/ 68 likes) (Post)
- Greg's Everything Bagel! (Video w/ 52 likes) (Post)
Travel Lifehack Winner: GregEach contestant created a video showing off one or more life hacks that relate to travel.
- Greg's Hotel Survival Hacks (Cut the Cheese) (Video w/ 117 likes) (Post)
- Carrie's Always prepared for an allergic reaction (Video w/ 105 likes) (Post)
- Nick's Travel Self-Defense (Video w/ 81 likes) (Post)
- Stephen’s Portable Kitchen (Video w/ 80 likes) (Post)
Imitation Travel Winner: GregEach contestant created a video showing off a destination, but without using real photos or videos of that location.
- Greg's Return to Necker Island! (Video w/ 121 likes) (Post)
- Stephen's Time Travel With Barky McFly (Video w/ 81 likes) (Post)
- Carrie's Gator-Ade Art Project (Video w/ 59 likes) (Post)
- Nick's Big Island or Big Fail? (Video w/ 49 likes) (Post)
Improv Travel Winner: GregEach contestant received a video tour of a real destination assembled by another team member from their real travel photos and videos. The contestant didn’t know what the footage was until they started recording with their face in front. The goal was to create an improv tour of that destination.
- Greg's smoking coconuts (Video w/ 78 likes) (Post)
- Nick's skating through Iceland (Video w/ 47 likes) (Post)
- Carrie's Dream-like Wedding (Video w/ 32 likes) (Post)
- Stephen's Soapbox Derby (Video w/ 27 likes) (Post)